Thursday, June 21, 2018

Thought bubbles.


T minus 6 days until The Move.

Lists and planning instead of stressing whenever possible. Agonizing over leaving friends and neighbors and a region we love must be kept strictly to a minimum.

Some of the things we wanted to do before we left aren't going to get done. (And that's okay.)

Because this is what the pursuit of The Dream looks like. And boy do I want The Dream. We've worked hard for The Dream.

So.

Chin up young lady; let's do this.


Kiddo is a high school graduate. An adult but not yet an adult, you know? He has an internship lined up, which starts in late July. I'm still trying to imagine what this new life will look like sans Kiddo, and initially sans Husband. Because he's headed to California, too, to get said burgeoning adult settled. I'll have nose to grindstone anyway, tucked away in library corners studying anatomy and pharmacology and all the other med school subjects my brain will have to somehow absorb.

Life isn't going to resemble anything I've ever known and that's confusing + daunting. But also exhilarating in that new-car-smell kind of way.

After spending 18 years nurturing a child, I don't know who I am without him.

Who is he without me?

I'm about to find out.

Thankfully the world is small these days and he's always just a click away.

(We're going to change the world, that kid and I.)


Last weekend we piled a lot of stuff on a few tables and peddled them to our fellow citizens.

We had a lot of objects we didn't use or want or need and when it was all laid out I felt more than a little shame. But also relief to be done with it.

I have a renewed resolution to be more proactive about evicting clutter.

We also made a fair bit of money.

Win-win.


Life feels complicated right now. But when I lay in bed at night, mentally preparing for a new day, I realize it's not. When you're about to leave a place you love, to start a scary new adventure, what's important has a way of surfacing over and over again despite your attempts to bury it in stress, worry, and to-do lists.

We have so much to get done, but spending time with friends—properly saying goodbye—is of the utmost importance. It's okay to put down the tape gun and meet my girls for drinks. I have one week left with them and a month from now there is zero possibility that I'll look back and wish I'd spent that time packing or studying. Not a chance.

I've been warned many times: prepare your family for the rigors of the program. Make them understand your lack of availability. Though I can't really, truly wrap my mind around it until I'm in the trenches, I believe them. I'm steeling myself mentally. Mario gets it. Which makes time together now so darn important. Like, front-of-the-line important. We're working in impromptu breakfast dates and running errands together whenever possible. We're going to be empty nesters in our late 30s, after all, and our connection must never be neglected. We've had practice being apart and working long hours, so I'm optimistic we'll cross this bridge better than most.


Leaving the Pacific Northwest is the hardest move we've made so far. Probably because we've yet to find The Place—the region we'd consider putting down roots and living out the rest of our lives in.  We felt that here. We talk about coming back. We plan to come back, as much as one can with so many unknowns. For the first time we feel like we are leaving our forever home and that is hard. The people and places have captured our hearts and now we are walking away. For better things, of course, but it's a strange feeling.

I have to remember: if we stay, our lives will be never be more than they are now. Which would be okay if we both had achieved our goals. That's not the case. So we do what we have to for The Dream to be realized and if the universe wants us back here we'll find our way.

But I also want to be open to other adventures. Because there are still a few places we haven't seen and they could capture our hearts as well.

The perfect job could come up in an unexpected place.

We're welcoming any and all possibilities, which isn't always so easy when what we already have is so, so lovely.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain

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