but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
Today is Kiddo's birthday. This one hit me hard. A sneak attack of motherly emotion. Uncharacteristic tears that can't be tempered so easily.
Last night, just after midnight, I watch him sleep and kissed that spot where his forehead meets his hair. That spot that still smells impossibly sweet and baby-like. Fourteen years ago, a lifetime ago, I first held that unfathomably small creature with a shock of white blond hair. The most I've ever seen on a newborn--blond babies are usually bald! said the doctor.
A very different girl gave birth to him on that night. Almost nothing about me is the same, except for a love so strong I'd jump in front a speeding train a hundred times over to save him. He's challenged me, boy has he, but I wouldn't change a thing. Not one iota of a second. Not even the moments that felt impossible at the time. Because it's all good. He's perfectly imperfect and those what ifs that are so prevalent in the rest of my life never cross my mind where he is concerned.
You have a baby and it feels like you have forever. Forever before they sleep through the night. Forever before they start school so you can have one moment to yourself. But motherhood is fleeting and in the blink of an eye you are looking at the beginnings of adulthood. Don't be fooled; they never need you less. They just think they do. Though the fear of letting them leave the nest can be crippling.
A naive, shy girl held him that night. A brave, strong woman parents him now. Because when you love someone, heart and soul agape love, they transform you. For them you become the best possible version of yourself. And when a child is so exceptional, you work even harder. I owe him everything and he owes me nothing.
Motherhood takes my breath away. He takes my breath away.
Here's to you, Kiddo. May you never lose your love of Legos, penguins and the color green. I can't wait to see where you take this life of yours. It has been a great honor to be along for the ride.