Wednesday, March 12, 2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Eleanor Roosevelt

I wrote my second Rio post yesterday. I edited it. It's in the bag. But my thoughts are elsewhere today and I want to talk about what's on my mind now. So Rio will have to wait until tomorrow.

Back story: Last June I ordered some jewelry from a (former) fellow blogger. I'd ordered from her before and loved her stuff; going so far as to give it a glowing review on my blog. I paid for it... and nothing. It never showed up despite her reassurances that she was working on it. Numerous emails over many months went unanswered. She closed her shop. At some point it was no longer about the product or the money. It was the principle. I didn't deserve to be treated that way! So last week, after receiving a request to rate my experience, and a final unanswered email, I contacted the website where her shop resides. They emailed her and elicited an immediate response. Upon checking my email for a weather update from Kiddo's school early this morning, I found two very abrupt messages from her. The gist was that because the transaction was over 60 days old so she felt she didn't owe me anything (I'm still having trouble with that logic). After asking for the product I was told in no uncertain terms that she would not be making anything for me. She finally agreed to issue me the refund, but only after treating me like I was some sort of unreasonable jerk. 

Logic says she has zero insight into her own behavior. She either realized she goofed and became irrational and defensive rather than fessing up, or she honestly believes I was totally and completely out of line for pursuing this. I was kind, respectful and more than patient. She stole my money! And I'm guessing I am not the only one she's done this to. 

So why do I feel awful? So often in life I let things slide for the sake of peace. Don't rock the boat, Sarah. And yet on the rare occasion that I assert myself I was villainized. She certainly let herself off the hook, so why have I been ruminating over this since sunrise? Why does it seem like the person who denies all culpability, no matter how wrong they actually are, walks away emotionally unscathed in this scenario? Although this incident is but a small blip on the radar of life, it has me thinking a lot about my approach to things and my subsequent reaction to the outcome. Why can't I wash my hands of the situation while taking comfort in the knowledge that she was totally out of line? Acknowledge I was within my rights and leave it at that? Why do I need to think, think some more, then blog about it?

I think I have come to a conclusion: I care what people think of me more than I'd like and I'm not sure how to fix it. A certain healthy desire to be liked is a good thing, but when I can't remove myself from an irrational situation that really has nothing to do with me personally, it's an issue. It tainted my day. I really wish I could have prevented that from happening. I can't control the people around me, but I should have more authority over how inevitable situations affect me. This is where being the "good girl" can be detrimental to the health of my head space. I gave this person way too much of my time. And now yours. Sorry about that.

Because this was a rather heady post, and not what I intended to write about when I started out, I feel that I should end it with something more light-hearted. Like the cutest monkey I've ever seen. He looks like an ewok. I love ewoks.

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2 comments:

  1. I'd do the same thing...feel bad when it was totally not my fault. So weird...she was clearly in the wrong.

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  2. That monkey is awesome.
    I hate it when people manage to make me feel bad for their issue! Sorry you had to go through that.

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