This is one of those weeks where writing about a single topic seems insurmountable. Where attempting to organize my thoughts into a fluid post is a battle I won't win. So yet again, here's a post about what is on my mind as of late. A scary prospect, indeed.
Mario has been unreachable this week, so I've been flying solo. He travels a lot, and has for the 9+ years he's had this job, so this is nothing new. But trips to his company's headquarters are different. They mean a 3 hour time difference and nonstop meetings. I think I've heard his voice a combined total of 90 seconds in the last 24 hours. These are the weeks that remind me of his status as my best friend. I like discussing my day with him. Using him as a sounding board. Co-parenting with him. I miss him. Fortunately he'll be taking the red-eye home tonight and I'll be seeing his face tomorrow morning.
On top of single parenting, I've been fighting a cold. I am not a wuss by any means. Quite the opposite, in fact. But I've been wiped. After having so many breakthroughs in CrossFit last week, the last thing I want to do is lose my footing. But I had to stop, reevaluate, and realize that forcing myself to go when I have body aches and congestion is just plain dumb. I won't get much out of the class, and I'll leave feeling beaten and discouraged. My body is clearly telling me to take it easy. Why do that to my relationship with a workout I am connecting with... perhaps for the first time? I'm ever so slowly learning that it's okay to admit I don't have the capacity to tackle something. Realizing my limitations is not a sign of weakness, and I'll return tomorrow morning, having taken a couple classes off, ready to pick up where I left off.
This weekend brings Pumpkin Fest, an annual event in our town. Each year we compete to regain the World Record for the most lit jack 'o lanterns at one time (a status lost to a town in Illinois many years back). The whole town gets together. Yesterday the kids took to the schoolyard and carved over 130 pumpkins to submit. Kiddo's school also sets up a food stand and sells pulled pork sandwiches, pumpkin soup, apple crisp, and cider. It's one of the biggest fundraisers of the year. Friday will bring hours of peeling apples and pulling pork. Saturday night will be spent as a family, walking around looking at the miles of carved pumpkins. It's one of my favorite things about living here.
I'm having a serious pant crisis. I am between sizes right now, so my current pants look saggy and ill-fitting. I have many pairs of jeans in the next size down, survivors of our purge because they are so close to fitting, but I'm not quite there yet. I've vowed not to get caught up in dieting anymore, instead choosing to consume with intention. I'm a few days in to my 30-Day Paleo Challenge (put on through my local CrossFit), and am hoping it, along with regular workouts, will help shed the mere couple inches necessary to reach the next size down. In the meantime, I need something to wear that doesn't require constant pulling up. So yesterday I stopped by Kohl's (nothing I tried on struck my fancy), Maurice's (I'm not a fan of the crazy embellished back pockets... I don't mind it on others, it's simply not my thing), and finally Target (too low-waisted, a little too big or too small). I've essentially exhausted my local resources. Perhaps a visit to Old Navy is in order (though last time I wasn't impressed).
I am really not that picky! I think this conundrum all stems from a serious commitment I made to only buying things that fit me now, thus escaping the if I lose 5 pounds it will fit perfectly trap I've fallen into most of my adult life. If I lose weight, great, but I am unwavering when it comes to abandoning a love-hate relationship with food, exercise and clothing. Any suggestions on some cute, inexpensive in-between jeans?
This week I have gone about releasing some anxiety about my class and research. My cells are alive and growing again on the first go (yeah!), and I'm training someone to take over for me in December; which has proven challenging but also fun. Instead of getting bogged down by the difficulty of my current class, I'm starting to look forward to the freedom that will come in just a month and a half. Although there is a lot of work to be done between now and then, once I walk out of the final I will be free to do a lot of the things I've abandoned over the last few years. I've discussed this before, but I'm excited to devour my reading list, to pick up some lost hobbies, and to gain the ability to leave work and actually leave it. No more late night study sessions, Sundays spent with my head in a book at Starbucks, and exam anxiety.
Kiddo's class is going to learn how knit and put a call out for needles and yarn this week. As I was stopping by local thrift stores in search of some to donate (7 pairs for $2!), I realized how much I miss having a skill like that. At one time I was crazy about crochet, but never advanced beyond scarves and blankets before giving it up.
It's so easy to forget how close I am. More school is in my future, but I'm going to really try to enjoy the in-between... which is mere weeks away.
- Read one book a week. For pleasure.
- Finally learn how to use Photoshop properly. Start by dusting off the how-to book Mario bought me on the subject.
- Take an online photography class. Use my tripod. There are some great online photography courses. The time to turn my camera to manual and leave it there has long since passed.
- Fully commit to overall health. I'm on my way to this, but adding a 4th fitness class during the week and making a long-term commitment to weeding out food sensitivities/eating clean are musts.
- Pick up a new or old hobby. Candy Crush Saga is not a hobby. Have Kiddo teach me his new found kitting skills; attempt to crochet something other than straight rows, like a hat (and wear it proud... even if it's lopsided); needle felting ornaments for family this year; take a sewing class... the possibilities are endless.
- Date my husband. Weekly or at least biweekly. Kiddo isn't going to be at home forever, as we have faith that he won't be playing Dungeons and Dragons in our basement bedroom at the age of 40, so it's about time we got used to spending alone time together. It's good to enjoy the company of the person you share a bed with. And to see grownup movies that do not have "Marvel Comics" in the opening credits once in a while.
- Figure out what the fuss over The Walking Dead, Breaking Bad and numerous other shows is all about.