Friday, August 16, 2013

The day I understood everything

was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out. 
The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go.

C. Joybell C.

During our drive through the Olympic Peninsula we stopped at a Ruby Beach, part of Olympic National Park. To say this place is life changing is an understatement. The fog and crashing waves created an ethereal bubble . . . not unlike stepping into another world. I've thought about that most peaceful of places a lot this week.







Today we met with a realtor about selling our house. We loved her, which made the discouraging news she had to deliver only slightly easier to swallow. We knew that it would be difficult selling in our rural area with the current market. She didn't tell us anything we hadn't contemplated before. It still stung. My initial reaction was tears. Then I bucked up, did a little research so I could be better informed, and decided to move forward.

All is certainly not hopeless, lest it seem that way. But we are a bit discouraged. Over the next six weeks or so we have our work cut out for us. We need to touch up the paint, have some new flooring installed, pressure wash, paint some more . . . the list goes on.

It will work out in the end. I know I always say that in posts like this, but worry never has gotten me anywhere. I think in my eagerness to turn the page and move ahead, I put too much pressure on our situation. A sense of urgency that served no constructive purpose. Then the thought of having our house sit on the market for a long time (or not finding the right kind of job) seemed like an insurmountable hurdle.  

What if I want it so bad that I've jinxed it from happening?

What a weird thought. But we all have them, right? The fear of having the rug ripped out from under us becomes an ugly monster that invades other, more optimistic thoughts. It's time to let go of the fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of crushing disappointment. Perhaps my biggest fear: having my life stall.

After a few moments of clarity, those thoughts began to dissolve. I've been letting them permeate my psyche. Enough, already! I came across this quote that summed it up nicely: 

You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you. -Lisa Kleypas



 
The time to let go is long overdue. I can't make someone buy our house. I can't make someone give me a job. But I can do my darnedest to improve my odds. No more feeling sorry for myself. No more blaming my husband for things that are no more his fault than my own. Let go and let the cards fall where they may. This week has been the first that I have really had time to my own thoughts; a dangerous situation if there ever was one. After four tumultuous years, I'd reached the end of a long journey. I still have a ways to go, but the biggest hurdle is under my belt. And I realized something: I was disappointed. The world didn't change on its axis because I graduated. The skies didn't open up and grant me every wish placed upon a star. I didn't win the lottery. Because the world doesn't work that way. So why did I expect it to? I suppose it's the human condition . . . or mine, anyway. 


The fact is, life is good. Our health is good. We are comfortable. We have a beautiful, safe roof over our heads. That's all that matters. The rest will fall into place once the powers that be see fit. Until then, life deserves to be enjoyed. To ignore what is in front of me in favor of always looking to the future would be the real letdown.

2 comments:

  1. Its amazing how things turn out when you just let it go. :)

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  2. I know very few college graduates who didn't feel the blow of reality following the high of accomplishment. You work so hard to get to a certain point and the carrot along the way is that certain anticipation that things will happen once you crossed the finish line. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it takes a different route.

    Hang in there - as you said, you have a home, a loving family, and many other staples that a lot of folk do not, so you are already ahead of the curve.

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