Then everything would be. It's the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth. When something's difficult to come by, you'll do that much more to make sure it's even harder--or impossible-- to lose.
Sarah Dessen, Along for the Ride
I feel overwhelmed and worn out. I'm glad it doesn't show.
Yesterday was a tough day. I was awaiting two exam grades, had a big solo presentation to give, and another large group presentation that seemed to be floating in the wind. I had to sort things out with a rather antagonistic fellow so said project could be completed. Anyone that knows me even a little is aware that confrontation is traumatic for me.
It was definitely one of those days where I let my mind imagine the worst. Fellow apologized. I got two A's, one of which was the highest percentage in the class. My professor raved about my presentation.
I did it. All of it. So why do I still cower and assume the day is going to be a total loss? Do we ever reach a point where we stop selling ourselves short?
At first glance, this pessimism seems like a giant character flaw. To some extent I am sure it is. But that feeling that things can always be better? That I can always do better? It has driven me for the last four years. It got me to those A's. I worked hard and kept my expectations high because settling for anything less than happiness was never an option. Eyes forward and nose to the grindstone.
I'm always striving to let myself off the hook when it isn't worth the stress. But I can never entrust my future to anyone but me. And in doing so, I have to stop downplaying my abilities. I have never found their limits.