Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Even On My Weakest Days I Get A Little Bit Stronger

-Sara Evans

Monday was a rough day. I started it off with a tough exam. Upon handing it in, my professor returned my last lab practical. The grade? Five out of twenty. Oof.  

That ego blow was followed by two hours of studying for a later quiz. Thinking I was well prepared, I went in confident. My professor must have sensed that and felt the need to take me down a few notches. The tears started to well up and I pushed them back down. More than once over the course of that two hour class. Needless to say, the floodgates opened when I got home. And all it took was a "How was your day?" from my husband. I cry very rarely, so tears usually indicate that I'm having a really rough go of it.

Source: imgfave.com via Sarah on Pinterest

The cracks are definitely starting to show around my edges. But wait! I'm a senior! I've endured almost four years of this. Why is the home stretch the most difficult yet? 

For starters, I'm WAY too hard on myself. That lab practical was brutal and unfair, and I'm guessing my horrible grade was pretty average that week. Almost everyone is struggling in the other class. And you know what? One class is not going to determine my whole future. If my chosen grad school sees one unfavorable grade out of dozens of great ones, they aren't going to write me off. Everyone has had a bad professor/semester/boss/landlord. But I let it spiral out of control, and it sounds something like this in my head:

"OhmygoshmyGPAistotallygoingtotankbecauseI'msureI'mgoingtofailthenIwon'tgetintogradschoolandIdon'thaveaplanB
andallthiswillhavebeenfornothingandmyresumesucksandIdontknowhowtowriteacoverletterandIdonthaveanyresearch
experienceandIwontstandoutagainstthemillioncandidateswhohaveactuallydonesomethingwiththemselvesandwhatamI
goingtodoforchildcarenextsemesterwhenIhavethatlateclassandwhatifIletmyfamilydownandevenworseletmyselfdown
andallthosepeoplewhohavedoubtedmethroughoutmylifewillbeprovenrightandwhatelseamIinterestedinbecauseIbetter
startfiguringoutplansBthroughZbecauseI'mdefinitelygoingtoneedthemandwhydidIthinkIcoulddothisand..."

Been there? It stinks. So I did what any normal person does when she's filled with self-doubt and on the brink of an emotional meltdown: I typed words like "zen" and "peaceful" into the Pinterest search bar. Looking at these images actually helped a little. Ommmm...

Source: imgfave.com via Sarah on Pinterest
Source: google.com via Sarah on Pinterest
Source: etsy.com via Sarah on Pinterest
Source: indulgy.com via Sarah on Pinterest
Source: tumblr.com via Sarah on Pinterest

And my personal favorite:

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”

― Steve Maraboli

7 comments:

  1. I'm way too hard on myself too and I often make a grade or whatever I'm having a hard time with define who I am instead of looking past that and looking at what I have actually accomplished to get to where I am now. My motto, is to not give up!! You got this!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You got this!!!! I know you do. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my gosh, that baby zen picture?!?! I just melted. Thanks for linking up!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This completely reminds me of my week too. MIDTERMS! Good luck for the rest of the semester

    ReplyDelete
  5. Really love your blog! New follower from Friday blog hop!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi there - I found your blog through the blog hop. I love that song from Sara Evans. Actually I love all of her songs. You can often find me in the car belting them out at the top of my lungs. ;)

    I hope your weekend and next week prove to be better than this one was!

    Happy Friday!

    Lacey @ And They Call Me Mommy

    ReplyDelete
  7. chin up, buttercup!

    Hope you have a great weekend! Stop by thechiffondiary.com & say hi!

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my heart go pitter-patter. Make sure you are not a no-reply blogger!