Monday, July 16, 2012

Oh Sweet Child of Mine


Yesterday afternoon I dropped my first and only born off at camp for the week. It will be a week filled with breakfast on the beach, surfing, sea kayaking, and archery. I want to go, actually. I've needed the break. Wrapping up sixth grade while preparing to leave the gentle confines of his elementary school proved to be an arduous task. Meanwhile, I was wrapping up one of my toughest semesters. A few months ago I'd had the idea to put him in camp while we were on vacation in San Diego so that my husband and I could have a vacation, too. Win-win. So why am I sitting on the edge of my bed sniffing his pajama shirt at 7:30 the next morning? It has only been 15 hours for goodness sake! I'm not thinking about him discussing his testicles or telling fart jokes for the umpteenth time in a day. Those are the things I needed a break from. Just the sweet things like his amazing hugs or timely complements. I never want a break from those. I am clearly stuck in some sort of parent trap. And not the Haley Mills kind.

I've spent a decent amount of time contemplating my life post-child. I've been a mom since I was nineteen. I'm entitled. I will be skinny because I can go to the gym whenever I want. Because that is definitely what's keeping me from working out now. I will wear expensive white clothes because no jam hands will be in sight. I will get weekly massages and facials. I will live in a giant house. I will eat cotton candy for breakfast every morning. I will make out with my husband all the time. Except for the times we will be working to support our cotton candy habit.

So here I am writing this blog post. My husband has to work a couple days of this vacation, so I'm chillin'. After work he's going to a Padres game and I'm going on a ride along with my awesome uncle who happens to be a police officer. I hope he lets me play with the lights. My husband and I may cross paths at about 2 am. Then it hits me: Is this what life will be like post-child? Are we going to be two ships passing in the night because we no longer have to be at home at a certain time to pick J up from school or attend his band concerts? Will freedom loosen the tight bond we have? I sure hope not. So while I fantasize about being an unattached woman free to live her life however she chooses, I'm not sure I want it to come true. My fantasies about winning the lottery? Well, they can come true any time now.

The fact is, I love it when my little nugget is around. He's aggravating, sure, but he's also funny as hell and charming and smart as a whip. I'm in no hurry to have him grow up. So instead of dreaming about total freedom, I think I'll dream about little breaks like this one. He can expand his horizons, and I can get a taste of what it's like to be me. Not Mom, Wife, Student. Sarah. Win-win. He will come back a cultured little man and I get to hear all about it. I can't wait.

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